Bleeding Hearts
by Codes and Puzzles
Summary: Chihiro's heart always breaks at the stroke of midnight when the realization that Haku isn't coming hits her, but instead of forgetting about him and saving herself a lot of heartache, she waits. Still, eight years is a long time to pine for someone who may or may not only exist in her imagination.
1. Chapter 1

Every morning, without fail, Chihiro wakes with the sun.

The beginnings of light are just starting to stream in through her window when she pushes herself up and tiredly rubs a hand over her face. A quick glance at her alarm clock tells her it's 5:43. _A little later than usual_, she thinks to herself. She'll have to walk a little faster to school then.

Chihiro quickly pulls on her shorts and a t-shirt and quietly tiptoes out of the room and down the hall, careful to step around the squeaky floorboards when she nears her parent's room. A sudden pig-like snort jolts her, and her head snaps in the direction of her parent's door, but when she pauses to listen for more, she just hears the sound of deep congested breathing. Chihiro rolls her eyes, thinking, _Some things you just don't grow out of_, and continues on down the stairs and out the front door without further incident.

She looks down at her watch and sets the timer. Bright green numbers stare up at her. One hour, it says. That's the most she ever allows for herself. Never more, never less.

With that, Chihiro presses the START button and begins her journey down the well-worn path towards – what she hopes to be – the land of her dreams.

* * *

Not for the first time, Chihiro is left with a bitter taste in her mouth and another portion of her heart breaking to pieces as she treads up the walkway to her front door, digging around in her pocket for her keys. She spent the past hour wandering down the path, hoping maybe _this _time she would succeed, but like every day for the past eight years, she's had no luck.

Chihiro grumbles under her breath like a child who's been sent to her room, unlocks the door, and steps into the house. Dragging her feet over to the kitchen, she makes herself some breakfast and sits herself at the table just in time to see her father amble down the steps. He's still buttoning his shirt when he plops down in the seat across from her.

She mumbles her greeting and continues her meal, trying not to look too sullen. If he notices, he doesn't comment on it. They just sit there in silence, one spooning cereal into her mouth and the other sipping coffee.

Neither of them mentions the black hairband that's tied to her hair, taking the place of the purple one she's cherished for the past eight years.


	2. Chapter 2

It's a minute past midnight when Chihiro finally gives in to the urge she's been suppressing all day and starts to cry. She's lying on the bed, her face buried in her pillow to muffle the sobs that want to tear out of her throat.

_He's not coming._

The realization makes her fingers dig into her pillow.

Really, she doesn't understand why she even cries over him anymore. Every night is the same and every night, she feels her heart being ripped to shreds. You'd think she'd be used to the disappointment by now, but it still crushes her and leaves her to the point of breathlessness.

Wanting some sort of comfort, Chihiro reaches a hand up to touch the purple hair tie on her head, the only tangible proof that her trip to the Spirit World was real and not some figment of a child's overactive imagination, only to stop when she remembers it's missing.

But it's not missing. 'Missing' implies that she misplaced it, that she never meant to lose it – and she _did_ mean it. Chihiro intentionally threw it into the woods on her trip back to the house this morning because the only thing standing between her and a relatively normal life, she realized, is that small little accessory.

A fresh wave of tears floods her eyes and her whole body shakes.

She should've thrown it out years ago. Keeping it has only caused her heartache, and she's had enough of it.

Chihiro can't even remember when she started thinking like that, but she supposes it started only days after her journey into the Spirit World.

Her parents found it funny – _cute_, even – when she started telling them fantastical stories about humans getting turned into pigs, an ugly witch stealing the names of her employees, and a flying dragon battling it out with shikigami, but the fascination quickly died down when they found that Chihiro spoke of the characters in her story with a little _too_ much enthusiasm.

"She's just going through that phase," her father said, waving it off. "You know – when little girls start believing in fairies and the like. Nothing to worry about."

But they couldn't hide the worried looks they sent her when they thought she wasn't looking, looks which clearly told her what their mouths refused to say: _This isn't normal_.

That was when feelings of doubt crept into her heart. They didn't remember a thing during their time as pigs and the only evidence she has is so mundane and negligible that it hardly even counts. It's her word against the world's.

_Was any of it real?_

Her heart tells her 'yes' but her head tells her 'no.'

It's completely illogical, her head argues. Witches? Dragons? Spirits? Impossible. Those things only exist in fairy tales.

Chihiro clutches her head as another sob racks her body.

_Will we ever see each other again?_

_"Promise," _Haku's voice echoes in her head. It's as strong and resolute as it was the first night she heard it when she felt the doubt consuming her, and Chihiro desperately wants to believe in him again but she can't bear to set herself up for more disappointment.

After all, promises were made to be broken.


	3. Chapter 3

Though the swell of despair in the pit of her stomach weighs her down, the world around Chihiro remains unchanged. The sun still shines, the birds still chirp, and the grass still glistens with morning dew.

Chihiro slowly lifts her face off her pillow and brings a hand to her face. She gingerly prods at her eyelids, running her fingers over the puffy reddened skin.

_Knock knock._

"Chihiro?" Her mother's voice flows into the room, muffled by the oak of her bedroom door.

Before Chihiro can respond, the door swings open, and Yuko pokes her head through the crack. "Kei's here to see you. He's downstairs right now."

Chihiro sighs but rolls off the bed. "Got it."

She moves robotically, going through the motions of getting ready for the day. But while her body knows what to do, her mind wanders in a state of confusion.

Before, she was focused solely on Haku and the Spirit World. But now that she's...given up, Chihiro realizes she has nothing. She was too stubborn, too hopeful that she would one day be back in the Spirit World that she never developed a life in her own world. Her friends are far and few in between and she hadn't given her future a serious thought before. She hadn't seen the need, so she hadn't bothered.

Chihiro sinks to the floor, leans against the side of her bed, and hugs herself.

Oh, how foolish she was.

"You look terrible."

Her head snaps up. So deep in thought she was that she hadn't even noticed Kei until he was a mere step in front of her.

Kei crouches down to where Chihiro sits, and, with a tenderness that doesn't match his words, he gently rubs a thumb over her cheeks, wiping away the tear marks.

She catches the hand on her face with her own and leans into it; she wants to laugh, to joke around about the mess, but she can barely keep the weak smile on her face. "I know."

It's soft, weak, and downright pitiful, and Kei doesn't even think twice before pulling Chihiro into his arms. She doesn't resist, just buries her face in the crook of his neck, him resting his chin atop her head and her breathing in the scent of the caramel that defines him. They've done this a thousand times before, and it's now become as much habit as it is comfort.

"Him again?" he mumbles into her hair.

Chihiro says nothing. She doesn't have to.

They both already know the answer.

So, he follows up with a quick, "You okay?"

"Fine. I'm just...fine."

A finger presses beneath her chin and lifts her face so she has to look at Kei.

His eyes, dark and searching, lock with hers, and she finds herself unexpectedly breathless. It's like he's peering into her soul, sifting through her memories and picking apart the lies before she can get them out of her mouth.

"Really?"

"_Really_." It sounds defensive to her own ears, as if she is trying to convince herself and not him.

Kei parts his lips and looks about to say something, but he stops short, thinking better of it, and smiles.

"Let's go out today," he says suddenly.

"What?" Chihiro tries to pull away, but Kei's firm grip on her waist prevents her from leaving. "Right now?"

"Now."

"With...me?"

Kei rolls his eyes. "Who else?"

Chihiro hesitates.

"You can't stay indoors and mope around forever! C'mon, it'll be fun!"

Her heart flutters, and for a moment, she thinks of refusing, but then remembers she can't keep clinging onto her past. She has to look to the future.

Yes, Chihiro thinks, as she takes the outstretched hand before her, she will live a new life.


End file.
